We are going to take a brief intermission from our normal topics today to address some frequently asked questions. I want to start off on a light note before sh$# gets heavy on the blog today. First, I’ve had the opportunity to watch a few performances on the Grammy’s and I am here for Cardi B and Bruno Mar’s collaboration on the song titled “Finesse” because it gave me that old school ‘90s feeling! I’m digging that song called “Better Man” by Little Big Town. I’m sure that many of you have gone through this phase at some point in your life. “Despacito” by Luis Fonsi is rocking and so is “Shape of You” by Sheeran. Now that my listens lately are out of the way, let’s get into this.
Sometimes people feel obligated to be in your business for no particular reason. Occasionally, they are just making conversation and I know it’s harmless, and sometimes they truly believe they are trying to help you with your life. However, it becomes annoying when the same person asks you the same question over and over again, or when a person who barely knows your name parts his or her chapped lips to ask you any of these questions. Let’s discuss these frequently asked questions and some potential responses.
- When are you getting married?
So I guess when you get married, you become part of an elite club with an exclusive pass. Congratulations! You’ve made it! Some people forget the fact that they had to date a few frogs before they found their prince/princess. Furthermore, this may come as a shock to you, but marriage is not everyone’s end goal. Some people see it as reaching the ultimate level of success even when they are miserable. Some believe that flourishing in their career is the ultimate level of success. I know couples who’ve dated for 6 months and have been married for 10 years. On the flip side, I know couples who’ve decided to date for 10 years before they jumped over the broomstick. So for the people who believe that there is a magic timeline, I beg to differ. Your timeline is personal regardless of what others think that you should be doing with your life. The next time someone asks you that question, challenge them by asking, “Why did you get married?” I guarantee that you will get some answers that have nothing to do with love. You may also ask, “Have you checked the divorce statistics lately?” And just FYI, the following women have never married: Oprah Winfrey, Condoleeza Rice, Lauryn Hill, Robin Roberts, Tyra Banks, Emily Bronte, Greta Garbo, and Coco Chanel.
- Why aren’t you married?
Unless you have no common sense, you would realize that this question implies that something is wrong with the person to whom you are eliciting a response from. It sounds more like an insult than a question. The next time someone asks you this question, challenge them by asking, “Why do you exist?”
- When are you going to have children?
As a person who has been blessed to have two children, I would never ask a woman this question for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost, it’s none of my business. What if this woman is unable to have children? You have just triggered feelings that may not be pleasant. She may want children and haven’t found the right partner. Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn’t want to have children at all? That is reality and it is her business. Please stop asking women that question. We have come so far. Instead, try something different. Ask a man that question! The next time a person asks you that question ask them, “Do you get to enjoy life on your terms?”
- Did you gain weight?
This is such a loaded question for women. I guarantee you that you and the person you are asking knows that she gained weight. Does she need you to remind her of this? Probably not. The next time someone asks you this, ask them, “Are you projecting personal issues on me?”
- When are you having more children?
What the hell?! Do you know how much it costs to raise a child in the United States? Give me a break. I knew at age 21 that two children was more than enough. There are some very effective permanent methods of birth control available. I took advantage of it. Having children is a family decision. I’m not sure why it’s relevant to the person who’s asking unless he or she is intending on footing the bill for co-pays, clothing, food, school supplies, childcare, dental work, health insurance, medication, broken items in the house, college tuition, etc. You get the point. Simply ask if they can assist you with all of the above.
- Personal Health Questions
This is crossing the line. Unless you are a doctor, a confidant, a friend, or a family member, you should avoid asking personal health questions. A simple response would be, “Mind your business.”
- How much money do you make?
This is not a popular question within my culture, however, it’s a normal question in other cultures. My response would be, “Bro, do I owe you any money?”
Readers, are there any annoying questions that you are tired of hearing? Please feel free to drop them in the comments. They may show up in a future blog post! I’m out!
This is such an inspiring topic . I can relate and connect with all those annoying questions nossy people ask in our journey of life . I used to be depress about it before I was married , now that am newly married, they asking another question again ?🤗🤗🤗.
Congratulations! What questions are they asking now !🙄geez
Soooo many eye rolls while reading this because these questions are so annoying when asked repeatedly by the same people. Stay in your lane and I’ll focus on me dammit lol! P.S actually LOL’ed in person over the “parts their chapped lips” part haha! Great post.
Lolol thank you for you feedback ! Enough is enough right ?!
I personally hate the when are you getting married, when are you having children and what’s your salary questions!!! They are beyond annoying and those things do not define us!! I really wish people would chill with the 155 questions. Just let us live!! Lol
I agree with you 💯 %.. just let people live! Thank you!
Great post and yes I can totally relate. Why annoying question is why did you have so many children. My reaction is similar to above ” Umm are you feeding, clothing, or providing shelter for them?” ..LOLOL…People just don’t think. Thanks for the liberating post!
Oh my! That deserves a smart answer! You’re right, why do they care if they aren’t contributing?
So funny, I am in the middle of drafting a post on the exact topic lol. I get ‘When are you getting married’? Why aren’t you married yet? So, you’ve refused to get married? Why don’t you have another child? How come you only have one child, you know you are African, you should have more! Oh I feel like pulling my natural hair out! I thought it was only Zambians who were nosey! Its so infuriating!’. Love this post!
Shaking my head! Let people live their authentic life for crying out loud! Thank you!
Most of those are rude questions. The question I’ve gotten the most when I started following a healthier eating protpcol (Autoimmune Paleo) and the pounds started dropping off was “How much weight are you trying to use?” People rarely think before they speak…smh.
🤦🏽♀️ smh! How does that effect the person who’s asking? WOW
OMG it’s the WORST when people ask those questions! You have no idea what someone is going through in life and these are pretty intimate/invasive questions; if someone wanted to you know the answers to those questions chances are they probably would have shared them with yo and you wouldn’t have to ask. There are plenty of more interesting and less personal questions you can ask someone if you want to make small talk or have a conversation.
I agree Bee. Just let people live!
I think these are very irritating questions, and get many people pissed off. Everyone should stop asking them!
Right John! People have a right to a personal life !
most irratating question i ever been asked that when you get married 😛
Exactly! Tell them to mind their business!
I was presently asked about my weight n yes I have gained weight but baby weight. N yes I am working on it. But I hate the questions.
Yes and it’s nobody’s business 🤦🏽♀️… thank you!
I absolutely loved this post. It seems like everyone would know that all of these questions are off limits but strangely enough, they still get asked. I’ve got one for you! I once had a guy that worked with me ask me if my kids had the same father. WTF?!? I was floored. Luckily I’m not easily offended and I quickly learned he was one of those people with no filter but meant no harm.
Excuse me?? He asked you what?🤦🏽♀️I can’t.. thank you for your feedback and I apologize for you having to deal with a nut…
I can completely relate to “When are you going to have more kids” question as if these people are ready to pack everything to help you take care of the kids. My response is whenever you quit your job to take care of them is when I will have more kids.
Absolutely! The nerve 🤦🏽♀️..
Great topic to elicit comments. I have several. I did ask a guy friend years ago when he was getting married. He about ate me up for asking. Never do that again. It was inappropriate. I’m still embarrassed.
And, I had a bad case of colitis and got down to 100 pounds. You can’t believe what people say when you’re too skinny!! Ish.
Right. And people don’t mean to ask hurtful questions. Sometimes they are just making conversation. I’m just raising awareness! Thank you!
Such a great topic. I feel like alot of people should read this! I am sometimes at fault for asking “when are you going to have children”. I have stopped asking that question after asking,which is now one of my close friends, this question and hearing her response. That question can be hurtful to some!
Yes indeed, it can be hurtful although it’s not your intention. Thank you for reading this and sharing that!
Yes!!!! I get “When are you going to give her a sibling?” every other day. I want to scream. When did it become some sort of taboo to only have one child?? I know that we can afford whatever we need for her. We are happy. We are a team. Back off people!
Rant over. Love this post.
I hear you! As long as you and your family are happy. Why does it matter? Thank you for your feedback!
Coming from a small island these questions seem to have become part of the culture. I have a toddler and get asked quite frequently when I am going to get another like they are going to help support her . No, I don’t want to get married. I quite like my weight. Get a life. Thank you very much. I always have some sarcastic comment ready or go death mute, I loved this article. It’s 2018 people need to find some hobbies lol
😂please find something else to do with yourself people! They could be busy accomplishing goals instead of worrying about you.. smh! Thank you for reading this!
While reading your blog, I thought of those people who keep asking that questions haha. Now I have an answer when they ask me again 😂.
Right! The nerve of people 🤦🏽♀️..
I agree with a lot of these, so annoying! Always the same people asking the same questions grrr
I think I’ve been asked every single one of those at some point! So annoying! I found it odd when we were visiting family overseas and they felt it OK to constantly ask us how much money we made, per week, per month, per year… obviously it’s ok for them cultural, but very annoying and a little uncomfortable for us.
Yes it can be uncomfortable. And it doesn’t change their life when they find out🤷🏽♀️..
I am turning 30 in about two weeks and the question I hate the most is — “Why don’t you want children?”
I’ve never wanted children and everyone insisted it was because I hadn’t met the right man, which –of course– isn’t the case; I just don’t want them.
I’m not sure why we feel the need to pry into people’s personal lives, but thank you for writing this post — I totally relate to it!
I definitely don’t appreciate that question the most ! Uggggh. It’s your life and YOUR decision. Why do people insist on asking? Thank you for your feedback!
I definitely get where you coming from lol, people can be so darn inquisitive, they make me feel sick sometimes lol, they just don’t know what to ask, but now a days I just give them the side eye.
So true!! These questions are definitely not the most polite – especially with people we don’t know too well!
Exactly! Thanks for your feedback!
This is one of the most accurate lists I’ve seen. I hate when people ask when I’m getting married. Hello, it’s 2018 I do not need to be married. I’m in a committed relationship, we have two kids and have been together 18 years.
Yes! And that my friend is happiness ! Thank you for your feedback 😊.
People can be so inconsiderate of others! That’s why I like animals better than people 😉
Lolol I miss my dog!
Great topic and interesting post.. 🙂
One of my friends said -” you should have children now.” I said -“Thanks! I was waiting for your permission. Now I can get to it LOL”. I don’t hate her because she is close enough for me to tolerate that comment.
Right ! Lol , so different when it comes from people who are not friends right ?!
This is a great post haha! People can be so pushy and rude sometimes!
This is wonderful! I really wish more people would mind their own businesses, but they don’t and these are some of the questions I hated the most. I can assure you though, even after I got married, the intrusive questions never stopped.
Probably one of the worst questions I ever had was from an in-law “why did you want to have a kid right now?” –Wow. Oh, and another one “Were you really planning on getting pregnant right now?” Don’t you just love people?
How about, “I will start a family when I’m ready ?” Wow! I would think that people would be happy about that! Thank you for sharing!
Wow! You can start a family when your ready! That brings joy not questions! Thank you for reading this!
Just thinking of these types of questions makes me sigh! It’s one of the things that ruins family reunions for me. I’m not sure why people don’t understand how hurtful these questions can be. I like to think that they are well-meaning when they ask, but it’s hard not to think that maybe they are judging me. The one question that really jarred me was “how much money do you make?” I’ve honestly never been asked this question – it seems so shallow and full of judgment.
I agree with you about the questions being judgmental. I should have included that in the post.. the money question! Uggggh! Thank you for reading this!
Although those questions can be annoying especially when asked by someone older that is not even Married, but I do laugh over it when am faced with any of those questions.
Exactly! Thank you for reading this!
This is a great post, Anissa. We all should think before we ask, there are many questions that simply are either not ones to be asked or could be brought up in a different way to ensure that we are not crossing any boundaries or bringing up a negative subject for the other person. Another one that makes me cringe is “when are you going to retire?” First off, not very many folks have a superb retirement plan at their job anymore and secondy the cost of living is so high that most are not able to retire at the age they had hoped.
I agree Lisa. Didn’t even think of the Retirement question. How about some ppl actually like to work ! Wow! Thank you for reading this!
The whole, ‘when you having children’ thing really P*** me off. I can’t have children, and I have found people really like to poke their noses into my business. We also (husband and i) had a loooooong engagement, nearly 10 years – er took out time as we didn’t have the money for a wedding but people still kept asking us when we were getting married. FGS people. xx
Right, is anyone helping you pay for anything? Why do people need to know? Geeeeez! Thank you for reading this!
Nice! I will never heat questions 1-5,
6 hopefully not
7 I hear a lot hahaha.
All of this is true. Being born in an Asian family, my older sibling and I always get asked these questions all the time! It’s really annoying tbh. Like I’m old enough to get married *roll eyes*
Ellen | http://www.zyrakuma.com
Wow , thank you for sharing and speaking about your culture. I’m guessing these are globally nosy questions 😂..
I loved reading this, because I get asked these personal questions all the time, especially about getting married and having children… :/
Smh! Tell them to back off..
This post made me laugh, I have all of this to look forward to as a university/college student.. I can imagine that the last question is really annoying to hear all of the time! Spot on though, thanks for sharing
Thank you for your feedback .. glad I can make you laugh today!
OOH YES! We got married, in secret, so now everyone bombards us with questions on when the actual wedding will be or why even have one now, it is so tiresome! Plus, of course, the usual baby questions too! Haha the weight gain question has luckily only been asked by my mom! I think everyone else skirted around my initial weight gain post-immigration move! lol.
Some people just don’t have a clue about respect! Don’t let it bother you!!